M's story (London) As the cliche goes, I always knew I was into girls, I was lightly obsessed with Xena the Warrior Princess and Missy from Bring It On so it probably shouldn’t have taken be until my early 20s to act on it. I’ve been from long term relationship to long term relationship with very little gaps (and maybe a few overlaps) in between and I never went to uni so I feel like I really limited my stereotypical
‘opportunities to explore’.
With my ex partners (all male) I had told them I wanted to sleep with other girls and we’d discussed the ideas of threesomes or going to sex parties together but I simply didn’t trust them enough and the relationship wasn’t balanced enough to genuinely consider it. As soon as I met my current partner (when I was 21- 8 years ago) it felt different, our relationship was safe, we wholly trusted one another and knew that we would always be one another’s priority.
We started experimenting with other couples we met online and I finally got to kiss and have sex with another girl. Group sex felt like a safe space to explore for the first time because I had a guy in the room (well two guys) and I knew my way around one of those at that point, so if it turned out I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would, there were, well, plenty of alternative activities that I could focus on.
We played in that realm for a fair amount of time, dating couples, going to mixed sex parties, having the odd threesome. I loved that we did it as a team, we always had each other’s needs at the forefront and we made sure to keep it an ongoing conversation in our relationship so if either of us ever felt uncomfortable about something, we would discuss it.
With my ex partners (all male) I had told them I wanted to sleep with other girls and we’d discussed the ideas of threesomes or going to sex parties together but I simply didn’t trust them enough and the relationship wasn’t balanced enough to genuinely consider it. As soon as I met my current partner (when I was 21- 8 years ago) it felt different, our relationship was safe, we wholly trusted one another and knew that we would always be one another’s priority.
We started experimenting with other couples we met online and I finally got to kiss and have sex with another girl. Group sex felt like a safe space to explore for the first time because I had a guy in the room (well two guys) and I knew my way around one of those at that point, so if it turned out I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would, there were, well, plenty of alternative activities that I could focus on.
We played in that realm for a fair amount of time, dating couples, going to mixed sex parties, having the odd threesome. I loved that we did it as a team, we always had each other’s needs at the forefront and we made sure to keep it an ongoing conversation in our relationship so if either of us ever felt uncomfortable about something, we would discuss it.
"A few years after that part time hobby started up, I was enjoying having sex with other girls but I felt like it was really missing an intimacy I was craving. We had a conversation where I said I wanted to start dating girls on my own and having sex with them one on one, I was lucky enough that he just wanted me to be enjoying myself and encouraged me to do whatever made me happy...."
I set myself up on dating apps (clearly stating in my bio that I was in a non monogamous relationship), I had a few crazy flings, a couple more long term things and then I ended up introducing one girl to my friends at my birthday and I had to explain to everyone in my inner circle about mine and my partner’s fairly non conventional (perhaps not so much anymore in 2019) relationship. Everyone took it totally well and just wanted to make sure we were happy, don’t get me wrong, a few girls from back home were super confused by it, but everyone took it in their stride.
"One of my favourite things about being bisexual and non monogamous (apart from all the fun sex) is that by being more open about it with my friends, I’ve found they are a lot more willing to talk freely about their sex life with me, which I think is great..."
Some friends I’ve cheered on from the other side of London knowing they’ve gone off for their first threesome and others I’ve dragged away from potentially toxic threesomes with couples who aren’t in a healthy, balanced place (or simply aren’t doing it for the right reasons). I love that in 2019 we are candidly questioning the societal expectations of relationships and of women in general, we don’t all have to fit into a set mould and sometimes it’s fun to break those chains.